journey of want-to-be

Well, the truth is, I’m good at a few things.

I’m mediocre at sewing, terrible at budgeting, not so great at cutting with scissors, great at eye-balling where-precisely- a picture should be hung. I can cook pretty good but don’t do it enough and I can scrapbook well but haven’t in three years (wonder why?). I have pretty handwriting and I can write a sentimental, meaningful letter. I can carry a conversation and I make good coffee and I’m terrible at fake laughing- I mean, it just sounds so fake. I have little to no musical ability, I can beautifully decorate a Christmas tree and I write a good thank you note. I’m not so good at creating new ideas for craft projects. I write with a distinct voice (which may be a good thing unless you don’t like the way it sounds) and I don’t share my writings often, if ever. I waste time on the computer. I loose stamps every time I buy them. I frequently misplace my keys and I carry purses that are huge and fill them with way too many things…they are heavy and have everything in them….but, they have everything in them. I have a fetish about bags that I can carry things in- especially anything monogrammed. I grocery shop when I’m hungry…this breaks the budget…if there is one. I forget to write people back in my inbox. I check my email and forget what I read. I hate to sweep. I question my own value all the time.

I desire to be best at mothering, at loving, at being a friend and I would like for our family to be good at saving money but I’d like someone else to do that, mostly, and I’d liked to still buy things when I want to. I want to be a good wife. I want to be known as kind and dear.

But what I’m really best at is networking. No, really. Does that sound like an awesome thing? Really, it’s nothing. I have hundreds of followers on Pinterest (really, my new favorite, beloved, dear obsession). But that’s just posting pictures- pictures I’ve taken, seen, read on a blog or saw on Pinterest in the first place. And I can stalk like mad on Facebook. I can find a friend’s friend’s friend and see all their wedding pictures. I can post that “hey! i need a microwave” and within 2-3 minutes someone I know will have one for sale or for $5. I’m really not kidding. It is possibly a little embarrassing. I’ve found recliners and a refrigerator and all sorts of info about all sorts of things. Is there a skill in that? I think really it just means I know quite a lot of people- giving people….who get the whole one-man’s-junk-is-another-man’s-treasure thing.

It’s so late (or so early considering how you look at the world) that’ve forgotten my entire point with this, okay? But really what I’m saying is that I’m good at some things and I’m not so at others. Such is life.  But can’t I choose to change those things?  Because I want to be good at going to PTA meetings and doing homework and making the best cookies in the world. And I want to be good at saving money at the grocery store and always shopping with the perfect, planned out list, complete with coupons and discounts and information and folders (I mean, have you seen these couponing shows?). I want to be good at decorating on a dime and being a good hostess.

I want to be the best of the friends with my friends that I love best.
More than anything I want to be a good wife and I want to be a good mama. If only Facebook could tell me how to do THAT….

The Wild Thing, 2009
Beautiful Babies 2011
These are my life. 2011
Stretch, aka, Noah 2011
Lily Lamb, The Pretty One 2011
Little Fat Baby Sethie

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