Not Empty

“I give you all I have to give…and still have a storehouse full.” -Sandra

Some days loving others is so hard, yes? Some days it is easier to just…not. To be closed up and tired and cranky and self-thinking and not lovely. Some days it is easier to just…not and still be closed up, energetic and happy….and yet remain self-thinking.
I believe that being a mother is the one and only thing that could honestly teach me to be out of my self, to be about someone else. I had followed Christ for several years when I became a mom. And spiritually I had an tiny, little bitty trying understanding of selflessness…but physically, mentally, emotionally day in and day out? Absolutely not.

Some moments of the day I close my eyes and breathe really deep so I won’t yell.
Some moments I yell.
Some moments are the funniest of my life.
Some moments of the day I wonder what the heck I’m doing and couldn’t someone else do such a better job than me.
Some moments of the day I want to weep because I know there are moments and minutes I am missing and will one day long to get back.  These days are fleeting fast.  Too fast.
Some moments I am overjoyed to be exactly where I am, at this place and time.
Some moments know I am the absolute luckiest woman alive and don’t I have everything I ever really longed for.
Some moments I want everyone and everything to revolve around me- as I revolve around myself. Some moments I realize I haven’t eaten all day even though I’ve fed everyone else.
Some moments I sing another song and read another book and wait softly.

I give them all I have to give. And I think I’m empty.

But I’m not.

These little tiny people fill me up.  They fill up my moments and my thoughts and my heart. They are there in my dreams and they are here at my table.  They are full of life and my life is full of them.  Bliss.

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