There has been so much warring in my mind these days.
That I’m forced to relive the worst days amongst lies and more hideous lies is the ultimate blow.
But I pray for peace and the Lord provides. Moments at a time, as I trust Him. He who knows the truth far more than even I. He sees the heart.
The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.
I arise from bad sleep and fretting and I go to do what God has laid before me, in His plans: these four children. These four not-accidentally-given-to-me children. Children I fought for. Children who were hard-won. My sheaves as I say.
I will rise and feed their mouths and their minds. I will feed their little hearts as I teach them what it looks like to forgive even as I do not want to. I will teach them what it looks like to walk away from those who strive to create strife and pain and madness and to do so without malice even as my heart aches. I will fight my own anger and my own need to defend, because that is right and good.
I will teach them what it looks like to truly love and truly give. I will do better than was done to me on any given day. And I will do it through Christ who gives me strength. I will laugh and we will celebrate the finality of our first year of home learning. I will sing and we will dance and there will probably be play dough and Zingo and fetch with the dog at some point. We will read to each other and share food.
This is life.
From the life-giver.
Because these children were not given to me by accident. They were given by the God of the universe. This I know. And I will trust.