As expected, when you share a hard truth or act as a whistle-blower you’ll be villanized. To say I’ve accepted this is true. It’s also hard to accept sometimes.
One of the first blow backs is always those who want to advise on forgiveness. So let’s get that one out of the way:
Forgiveness and Reconciliation are not the same thing at all. Forgiving someone is internal, it’s mental and emotional and has no bearing on further relationship. Reconciliation is the reentering of relationship with whom ever is in question. To truly reconcile, both parties must be willing not only to forgive but also repair, amend, acknowledge and repent of pains and reestablish trust to some degree. Reentering relationships with narcissists rarely are successful after low or no contact or an episode of conflict/confrontation because they’re unlikely to admit their wrongs or change their behaviors.
In actuality I’ve reached out several times to my abuser to ask if she’s interested in therapy, etc in order to attempt conversation or reconciliation. She is not. Furthermore, she feels I’m in the wrong for holding her accountable to her behaviors and would need to have a “heart change” for that to be worth her time. Sound familiar? If so, you’ve been reading your books! 😉
(No one can be right all the time. I include myself in this! No one is above reproach. Y’all, we all have something we need to repair or apologize for. The fact that someone can claim they don’t is a red flag larger than life. Don’t miss it.)
Other Peoples Moms that I know will do anything for relationship with their children and grandchildren. Not mine.
But. That’s a part of being a truth-teller, a whistle-blower and a scapegoat. And an unloved daughter.
Back to the point…
Forgiveness is the literal canceling of a debt owed to you. In seasons, it must be done daily. It may have to be done frequently for new wrongs. But it is the letting go. (Cue Elsa, amiright?)
Reconciliation is choosing to continue to walk through life with someone whose caused the debt. And true reconciliation is impossible without remorse and amends.
I’m not making this up, people.
Here’s some words written by my betters for you…