Life Anew

I’ve been writing a lot about the past, and if ya’ll follow my blog you know that’s kind of what I do. But I also want to acknowledge all the good things that have happened since the revelation of so much negative.

This man came into my life in the wildest time, following one of the hardest and scariest weeks of my life. I haven’t written about Maggie’s medical crisis because of legal reasons but it was life-altering in many ways. The events that took place that week cannot be undone. And it was at the end of that week that what was came to it’s final end.

In that way things sometimes go, out of the ashes of the past, the future is born. I cannot explain the place my heart was in following that harrowing experience of almost losing my daughter. I cannot explain the union I had to my future when it found me. I’ve never experienced this type of soul connection with any one before Tim. The whirlwind romance that began and continues now is the kind I’ve always dreamed about.

We kind of laugh and shrug and say “when you know, you know” when people ask how long we’ve known each other. It’s impossible to explain a relationship like our’s unless you’ve been in one, of which I know a few. These things have some details in common…. a relationship where everything you’ve ever hoped for is reality, one where everything you have requested of someone else and were left wanting and hurting is naturally and automatically fulfilled, without asking, without effort, without begging, without pain. The deepest, darkest parts of the past literally wiped clean and filled up with the opposite. I had all but given up that love could be this way. And then came Tim.

And not only is there a connection beyond imagination, he is actually an amazing human. The kind of person I admire, who I never could have imagined would be interested in me.
An assistant fire chief, an EMR, a fireman since he was 16 years old, a former police officer, a man who was employed by the same company over 25 years. He is hard-working, consistent, steady, dependable.
One of his best friends told me early on he is the most servant-hearted person she’s ever known. And I’ve watched these months as he has proved that true. He is a good, good man. A true leader, a true provider, a true kind soul who has spent his life looking out for others and serving them.

I am honored to watch play out every day in a million ways is who Tim is: intentional, honest, intelligent, brave, wise, dependable, thoughtful. These are so much more than words on a page to me. They are 100% what I desperately needed in my life. He has never not come through for me, never told me he would handle something he hasn’t, never promised to provide and dropped the ball, has never lied to me. He continues to fill in gaps I didn’t even know I was surviving.
He is a man; a provider, a partner and a planner. He is so purposeful in how he deals with me and the kids and life in general. He is equal parts gentle and strong. He brings a stability and steadiness to our world. I respect him more than I can say.

Besides this, we match in ways I relish; we love reading and discussing books and watching and analyzing movies and shows. This is such a treasure to me. We find similar topics interesting, even those we don’t agree on, we enjoy each other as we debate. We have opened each other’s eyes and minds to new viewpoints and thought processes. We appreciate the other’s interests and activities. Truly, he is so wise and intelligent and I love just talking with him, I love how he teaches me as we discuss. I love the way he influences my kids in this way, also.

More importantly than getting on so well, we have similar wounds and understand each other.
I saw this quote not long after we met that said “Love isn’t about finding someone who knows how to love you perfectly. Love is about finding someone who cares enough to WANT to know how to love you perfectly.” Not one day since we began has Tim let a day go by without me knowing how much he feels for me. Love like a dream. It’s funny sometimes to think what life used to feel like, compared to this reality. I’m not sure I could have even dreamed this story up.

Though I like to say I couldn’t love him more, something will happen in a day or two and my heart for him will deepen once more. I have emotions I only wished for before, one being that I feel very much like I am the luckiest girl in the world. Tim Bradshaw, you have my heart forever. I love you.