“If someone gaslights someone else, until they apologize, EVERY interaction gaslighter has with their victim is gaslighting. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.
It does not matter what kind of good point the abuser may have, EVERY SINGLE INTERACTION IS GASLIGHTING until they genuinely apologize.
In case you are confused:
Gaslighting is the process of making people doubt their own lived experience, by lying, manipulating, and several other factors. A KEY ingredient in this process, is the abuser acting like NOTHING HAPPENED or playing the victim. The part where the abuser acts like nothing happened is why, EVERY INTERACTION IS GASLIGHTING. If someone gaslights, in order to stop, THEY MUST OWN UP AND APOLOGIZE.
(Most abusers are incapable of a genuine apology, so please keep an eye out even after the apology. It could be a gaslighting trick too.)
If they say “I didn’t gaslight you” THAT IS GASLIGHTING.
If they demand an apology from the victim, REGARDLESS of whether the victim has done anything wrong, THAT IS GASLIGHTING. Once someone gaslights, they no longer get to demand an apology that they themselves never gave. If the victim did something wrong, it’s up to THEM to choose to apologize or not. If a person has victimized someone, they have NO CLAIM to their time, thoughts, or actions, even if they “should”. A victim has the right to protect themselves.
If someone defends the person who is gaslighting, THAT IS ALSO GASLIGHTING. The person coming to the abuser’s defence is now FULLY participating in gaslighting. This position is one that good people may find themselves in. If you realize that you have helped an abuser, APOLOGIZE. Until you do so, you are participating, even if you are nice to the victim in the future.
Gaslighting is psychological torture.
Do not fall for it.”